Fixing the Broken - my thyroid and its complexities

Healing is a matter of time, but also sometimes it is a matter of opportunity - Hippocrates

Never has that quote seemed so relevant than it does to me right at this moment.

I've said before that I have an underactive thyroid. A particularly awkward autoimmune version called Hashimotos.

Except, it hasn't been all that awkward until recently. I have been really fortunate in my health generally; and in my ability to Google (I found Stop the thyroid Madness which explained everything I needed to know). I was diagnosed as having Hashimotos relatively early on, when my body hadn't had too much time to run itself into the ground.

Not only did I get an early diagnosis from a doctor who looked at the whole person (R.I.P. Dr Skinner), but I was moved fairly rapidly from levothyroxine to NDT (Natural Desiccated Thyroid), which made a massive difference in my recovery and in maintaining a good level of health.

So, save from the eternal tweaking of my dose, life with Hashimotos has been pretty uncomplicated. I haven't had to do much diet adjusting or supplement taking, or split dosing my tablets to the nth degree.

Until 2017. When, fresh off the heels of a long pregnancy (which plays havoc with my thyroid), I began my new batch of NDT... unfortunately it turned out (in 2019 when I finally realised) that the formula of the NDT appeared to have been changed, and it was no longer working properly for me, and hadn't been for some time.

Despite my blood results being absolutely fine, I was sick. I gained 18kgs. I couldn't sleep. I had sugar cravings so bad that I was probably consuming at least 4000 calories a day (hence the weight gain).

I had brain fog, making even the most simple of tasks confusing. I lost things, I left things all over the place. I couldn't retain information. I was so tired I felt like I was going to pass out.

It cost me my job, a job I loved, because I could no longer cope with the work.

I took my eye off the ball, for TWO years. Those of you who also have Hashimotos are probably shaking your heads at the screen as you read.

The one thing I ought to have learned since I was originally diagnosed in 2007, is that you can never take your health for granted when you have an auto immune disease. It will come back to bite you in the ass.

My ass is well and truly bitten. I've had sleep studies; I've been on anti depressants; I've had counselling. I have desperately tried to eat healthily and go to the gym. None of these things has produced any results.

Because my body is broken.

I realised that the actual culprit for all of the problems was the thing that was staring me in the face, in December 2019. When I went to reorder my medication and randomly checked Stop the Thyroid Madness, to make sure there hadn't been any significant changes in the different brands available.

I have no idea why I checked, but I'm really glad I did. I swapped brands and for the first time in a long time, light began to form at the end of a very dark and very long tunnel.

It is a longer tunnel than I thought. I began the better brand in December 2019 and I'm still nowhere near back to anything resembling health.

What I hadn't appreciated when I was initially diagnosed, was that the majority of people don't feel fine and dandy right away. Most people struggle to actually feel normal again.

I still have a lot to learn, but I'm starting to make some small steps towards a recovery.

I now have to set an alarm for 4am, to take my first dose of the day. Because if I don't, I feel like a zombie for days afterwards.

I know that I need an increased dose. But I can't increase it, even by the smallest amount, because my body acts like I'm trying to poison it. I have to take a small increase once a week at the moment, and hopefully my body will eventually adjust so that I can increase the dose more regularly.

I felt normal, so I signed up with a personal trainer and took up boxing. After ten days and five sessions, I was on my knees with a fatigue so great that I thought it would swallow me whole (whilst not being able to sleep due to thyroid insomnia). So my heavy weight boxing title is now on pause.

I still have sugar cravings, but the only thing that actually stops them, is eating fruit, which my body doesn't really want.

The bad eating? It's become a habit so ingrained that this evening, I reorganised the kitchen so getting to the kids treats takes hard work, in an attempt to stop me eating everything in sight.

I have become Oscar the Grouch. I am grumpy and see no joy in anything because of the weight of the fatigue. I have everything I could ever want, and I'm incredibly lucky, but sometimes I just can't feel it.

I can't take noise. I have three amazing, and noisy, children; when they all try to talk to me at once (which is most of the time), my brain literally cannot take it. I want to go curl up in a darkened room and rock slowly until it goes quiet.

I now have to take so many vitamins that I'm surprised I don't rattle.

But, I can walk. My body likes me to walk. So I walk. 7.5km a day at a leisurely pace.

I have learned that a glass of orange juice in the mornings takes away my sugar cravings until at least lunchtime.

I have learned that eating sugar just makes me feel worse, and that eating fruit makes me feel better. My brain is actually acknowledging that fact, and I am beginning to make better choices.

I have a lot of learning to do; and lots of unlearning too. I have a lot of bad habits which need to be ironed out as my health slowly improves.

So I've decided that while we are all quarantined at home, I'm going to work on my habits; reducing the bad, and increasing the good. I'll post more about how I'm doing that next time, as this post is already long enough!

And I got almost to the end before even mentioning the dreaded virus, which is pretty good given it's all I seem to talk about these days!